ZERO :: the Fool (annwyd) wrote in archerastar,
ZERO :: the Fool
annwyd
archerastar

[Evangelion] A Monstrous Wish

Title: A Monstrous Wish
Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Character: Asuka, some Shinji.
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 606
Notes: Written for the 31_days theme "gloomy anthropoid apes."
Summary: Asuka sometimes wakes up with a strange desire.

Some days, Asuka woke up with the dreamy wish to be something other than human. It would be nice to be a monster, rampaging through the city. Everyone would run from her, but the whole while they'd be sneaking glances back at her, their attention transfixed on her. Later, when they gathered to fix the swath of destruction she'd caused, they would all be thinking of the way the light had hit her scales. They would worry that she'd come back. She would never leave their thoughts. And she would barely have to try! It was so much harder as a human being. She had to pilot the EVA, and she had to be the best at it. Only then would they look at her and remember her.

It was all right when she had these thoughts on the tail ends of dream in the mornings, because then she'd get up and get ready to go for the day, and the fantasy would fade away. She wouldn't have to think about it anymore. And that was good, because once she thought about it more, it became kind of uncomfortable. She was supposed to fight Angels, not want to be something like them. Besides, what was wrong with being human?

The problem came one night when she awoke in the darkness, long before morning, thoughts of being something more and less than human racing through her head. She turned over, but the images stayed steady in her mind. She turned again, with fury more befitting a monster, and the dream of being something else just intensified.

So in the darkness, she got up, and she left her room. She stood over Shinji in his sleep and looked down at him. He was probably dreaming boring, stupid dreams. So she was doing him a favor, she decided, when she started kicking him in the side. "Shinji! Get up!"

He stirred and curled in on himself a little bit. That was pathetic. He wasn't even trying to fight back against her kicking properly. So she kicked harder. "What are you, stupid? Just get up and I'll stop!"

He sat up. She got in one last kick, this time at his legs. He flinched. "Why?"

"I need to know," she said. "Do you ever think it would be better if you weren't human?"

Shinji rubbed at his eyes. "No," he finally said. "This is the only way. I couldn't pilot the EVA if I weren't human. This is the only way," he repeated, still stupid with sleep and, well, with being Shinji.

It occurred to Asuka that if she were a small fuzzy animal, like a dog or a cat, she could crawl into Shinji's lap, and it would be all right for him to hold her and pet her. The realization made her cheeks go hot with rage, and she reached down and shoved him over.

"You told me to get up," he protested faintly.

"Not to give such a stupid answer!" She glared down at him. "Forget it. I mean it, forget it!"

"Okay," he said. "I'll forget it."

She stomped back into her room, the warmth of anger still stoked inside her. It wouldn't die down for a while. But at least it would distract her from the ugly desire to be something other than human. That was good, because if she thought about it too much, she now knew why she had that desire. It was because other humans were so pathetic, and she didn't want to be like them. No--she wasn't like them. She wasn't. She was something they could only watch.
Tags: asuka, evangelion, shortfic
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