Fandom: Toward the Terra
Notes: Written for the kink meme. Lots of wrong.
Warnings: Dubious consent is a given for this pairing. Emotional and physical abuse.
Summary: Matsuka doesn't feel quite right about wearing a Members Elite uniform. Keith helps, in his less-than-helpful way.
One of Keith's new crew members had fetched a Members Elite uniform for Matsuka. He didn't know who it had been--only that it hadn't been Keith himself. The uniform had been tossed carelessly onto the bed in his quarters, its parts overlapping, the boots settled on top. Of course such a task was beneath Keith Anyan, but if it hadn't been, he would have arranged it more neatly.
Matsuka was grateful it hadn't been Keith. Even as disordered as it was, the uniform intimidated him. It lay there like an alien's shed skin: something completely foreign to the life Matsuka had led up to this point. Something far above the life he'd intended to lead. He could not bring himself to put it on. Instead, he just stood there, looking at the uniform where it lay.
But his thoughts were not enough to distract him from the sensation of Keith's approach. He could always feel it when Keith came near. It was like a steel cloud had rolled over the sun and made it its own. No one else had a mind like that--they were wispier clouds, burned away by the heat of the sun. Matsuka started to brace himself.
He wasn't ready in time. When Keith opened the door, Matsuka was still cringing. Keith took that in with a glance of contempt. "Does it really take you so long to change into the right uniform?"
Matsuka looked back down at the Members Elite outfit on his bed. "That depends," he said, "on if it's really the right uniform."
The edge of Keith's mouth twitched up. "Of course it isn't. It's just the mask you need to wear to walk among humans now." He strode over to the bed and, to Matsuka's horror, rearranged the uniform so that it lay neatly in place, just waiting for Matsuka to take it up and put it on.
"Keith," he said. "I can't do this."
Keith stood up again and looked at Matsuka. The ungentle smile was gone now. Matsuka waited for Keith to command him, to tell him in no uncertain terms to put the uniform on. Maybe then he'd be able to do it. But the command never came. Keith said, "Then what will you do? Will you go back to the Mu, and wear their clothes?"
"No," Matsuka said, shaking his head furiously. "I--"
Keith didn't let him finish. He pressed a hand to Matsuka's chest and shoved him backwards. Matsuka stumbled helplessly and caught himself against the wall. "Keith!"
"Do you think they would give you a choice?" Keith took hold of Matsuka by the collar of his old uniform now.
Matsuka thought he should be shaking. But he wasn't. With Keith's hands so close to his throat, he felt bold. So he said something terrible. "I think they know more about choice than you do. Keith."
Something flashed in Keith's eyes. A reaction! But Matsuka couldn't read it in his mind--Keith had grown more closed off than ever since his time with the Mu. In a moment, though, he didn't need to try to read Keith's mind, and in any case he couldn't think of doing so. Because that was when Keith yanked Matsuka's jacket open.
It shouldn't have been so easy. The material was strong; even the zipper joining it was strong. The belt was secure. But Keith barely seemed to put any effort into it, and the zipper tore open, broken now, revealing the tight black undershirt beneath; the belt snapped. Keith pulled on it again, and the jacket slid off entirely, revealing Matsuka's bare arms. Matsuka stared up at him.
"Put the Members Elite jacket on," Keith said. He was in control of himself. He wouldn't tear at Matsuka's clothes again. Why did this drag up a pang of regret from Matsuka? He was a little breathless. He wanted to replay the moment of Keith tearing off his clothes over and over again in his mind, even though he'd been scared.
Matsuka picked the new jacket up off the bed and slowly slid his arms into it. More regret. He didn't mind Keith seeing his arms bare, the outline of his chest in the undershirt. Why? Why was that?
"The mask suits you better than it should," Keith said. "You'll go on fooling the others. But don't try to fool me."
"I can't," Matsuka said.
Keith waited for a moment longer. Matsuka tried to feel less strange, less like the center of him had moved down and was aching. He wondered what Keith was waiting for. Finally, he got his answer. "Do I have to do it for you entirely?" Keith said. "Take off your pants."
Matsuka went red, although he didn't know why. "What?" He didn't know why he'd asked that either. The command had been clear. No, that was a lie; he did know. He wanted to see if Keith would do what Matsuka thought he might.
A frown flickered across Keith's face, and then he did it, after all. He reached out and wrenched open the pants, too. And then his look of bitter concentration changed. For a fleeting instant, it looked almost like satisfaction. Then it was the more familiar contempt, and before Matsuka could begin to understand why, Keith had hold of him by the arm and was throwing him down onto the bed.
Matsuka looked up at Keith, wide-eyed. He felt stranger and more uncomfortable than ever. But his pulse was very fast in his throat, and it wasn't all discomfort.
"Look down," Keith said flatly.
Matsuka looked down. Between his legs, his underwear stretched tight over his rising cock. When he looked up again, he could feel his face burning. "I didn't choose that," he whispered.
"I see," Keith said. "You aren't afraid of the uniform after all. You're excited by it. Excited to penetrate further and further into the heart of humanity's defenses."
That wasn't it at all, but the thought of telling Keith what it really was horrified Matsuka. So he just shook his head.
Keith looked away. "Take care of that. Then finish changing and come to the bridge." He started for the door.
"Keith!" Matsuka couldn't stop himself from crying out.
Keith paused on his way out. "What is it?"
Matsuka froze. I want to look at you while I'm doing it, he thought. I want you here, watching me. I want you to react to me. I want you to touch-- He forced himself to keep the thoughts inside his own head. He felt hotter and more lightheaded than ever. "I don't know how," he lied.
Keith turned and took a step back in toward Matsuka. "Start by pulling your underwear down," he said. His voice was even.
Matsuka realized the underwear in question felt tighter than ever. Keith was really going to stay and--and give him directions. He fumbled his pants the rest of the way off, then pulled his underwear down past his hips. He was wearing the Members Elite jacket, but he felt hopelessly naked. He searched Keith's face for emotion and found nothing. He was simply giving orders, and he didn't need to show Matsuka emotion while doing so.
"Take hold of yourself with one hand," Keith said.
Matsuka did as he was told, then shivered a little. This was happening fast. The head of his cock was already a little wet and probably sticky as well. He tried to imagine Keith doing something like this, and the words spilled out of him. "Have you ever done this yourself?"
"It's not your place to ask that question," Keith said. For a moment Matsuka thought Keith would hit him for asking, and a tangled feeling clutched his heart. What if Keith would hit him when he asked, when he wanted it, instead of as punishment? No. He couldn't think about that. Keith was continuing to speak, at any rate. "Move your hand up and down."
Matsuka shifted his hand up along his length, then down. Another shiver. His body wasn't used to this. He wondered what he looked like to Keith, half-naked and aroused. Actually, he didn't know what he looked like at all, because he couldn't bring himself to look down again. He couldn't take his eyes off Keith, standing there so perfectly at ease in his own Members Elite uniform. Matsuka wondered what Keith would look like out of it completely, then shied away from the thought. But he pushed harder and faster against his hand before he could stop himself.
"That's it," Keith said. A look of faint surprise crossed his face. Grateful for that hint of emotion and loosened by lust, Matsuka did what he shouldn't and reached for Keith's mind to see what had prompted it. This time, he found a way in, and a brief, shadowy flicker of a feeling came to him: a tiny spark of desire.
You're human after all, he thought, and too late he realized that he'd broadcast the thought to Keith.
Keith reacted as he always did to such intrusions: with violence. He reached forward, grabbed Matsuka's free arm, and flung him down on the bed. Matsuka cried out, high and breathless, and clutched at himself more tightly. Keith pinned him down by the shoulders and leaned over him. "It's only because you make such a good hidden monster in that uniform," he murmured.
The word hit Matsuka worse than a physical blow. But Keith was still stretched out over him, and his own emotions were muddled. Shame. Anger. Lust. Maybe he was a monster, to be able to feel those things together. Trembling now, he started to rub his thumb up closer to the head of his cock, stealing more desire from the sight of Keith above him.
"Do you need me to say it again?" Keith asked. He smiled, and Matsuka thought he could see a little something more than cruelty in the expression. Or was he imagining it?
"No," Matsuka said. "No." He rubbed harder, faster, felt himself curling up. His knees brushed up against Keith's hips. "Keith!"
Keith pulled away just in time. The rush of climax hit Matsuka at the same time as the ache of losing that precious closeness. Still holding himself in one hand, he pushed himself over onto his side with the other and huddled into a ball, looking up at Keith standing above him.
"Clean that up," Keith said, "and put on the rest of the uniform. You should be able to do it now." His own uniform was spotless where Matsuka's was spattered. But Matsuka thought he could see new rumples in it, where before it had been smooth.
He didn't mention them. He only watched Keith leave the room and felt the steel of his mind slide away from Matsuka's useless grasp.