Notes: Written for the 31_days theme "the world will never return."
Summary: Shizuru and Natsuki finally confront the ways things will be different for them in the future. It's a personal affair.
Their past was a mirror cracked in half. It reflected two sides of the same desire, distorted and separated from each other.
Natsuki's past was clouded by denial. In those days, she had only dreamed of the touches she wanted. As she slept, the vision of Shizuru's lips on hers had come to her; the sensation of Shizuru's fingers on her bare skin had teased her. When she woke, each time she had blushed and told herself that would never happen. It could not. Shizuru would not, would know better than to get close to Natsuki. But as she lay in fever dreams, her desires had taken a darker toll. Her dream Shizuru had gone farther than before...and when she woke, she held those images up as a shield to separate herself from Shizuru.
Shizuru's past was darkened by repression. In those days, she had encroached on Natsuki's borders in silence and pain, never reaching past the boundaries she set for herself. She had poured Natsuki's perfect hair through her fingertips, but been gone by the time Natsuki awoke. She had lain at Natsuki's side in self-imposed temptation, daring herself to reach out and touch, but never going further than a single palm on Natsuki's heated throat. Finally, she had stolen a kiss, but it had been empty and unrewarding.
Those worlds were incomplete, but they were safe. When the mirror cracked entirely, they were left only with the truth of each other. That was dangerous, and that was frightening. But still they had faded in each other's arms. It would have been difficult, but simple, if that were the end.
It wasn't the end. They had been fated to die, but called to live on.
Today could have been the day Shizuru had carried Natsuki through the rain, fevered and broken, and settled patiently at her side through the night. The rain came down in the same comforting veil outside their little room, and they wore similar thin kimonos for comfort. But it wasn't that day. They knew each other's hearts now.
Natsuki stepped off the bed. The fabric of her kimono fell gently around her slim curves as she stood, and Shizuru watched in perfect absorption. "Shizuru," she said, "do you know that I dreamed of you?"
"Oh, I so hope they were good dreams," Shizuru said, smiling.
"Most of the time," Natsuki said, "they were."
Shizuru let out a breath. Now was the time to say it, she understood. "Natsuki, do you know that I touched you?"
Natsuki looked away. "I know now," she said. "I didn't dream everything."
"Your hair," Shizuru said. "Your pulse. Your face. Your lips..."
Natsuki stared out at the rain. "How much more?"
"No more," Shizuru whispered. "I could sink so low, Natsuki. I wouldn't bring you down with me, not ever."
Natsuki turned to look at her with a cool gaze.
"Well," Shizuru said, "just a little down with me." She lifted a hand. "Natsuki..."
"I'll choose when I go down for you," Natsuki said. "This time."
Shizuru pulled her hand back and covered her mouth. The only sound was the rain spattering down outside. She waited until she couldn't not say it. "You've already forgiven me," she said. "What more could I ever ask for?"
"Don't be stupid, Shizuru," Natsuki said. "Forgiveness isn't all either of us want."
"You're hardly obliged to give me anything more," Shizuru said.
"I've taken care of my obligations." Natsuki's hands settled at her waist. "Now I can want things. People, too."
"Natsuki..." Shizuru tasted the name on her tongue again. It felt different now, with heat swimming up inside her.
Another sound joined the chorus of the rain. The sash of Natsuki's kimono whispered, silk against silk, as she undid it. Then there was another whisper: silk against skin. The fabric slid down Natsuki's body and pooled at her feet. She stepped out of it. "Your turn. Shizuru." She knelt on the bed again.
Shizuru drew back against the pillows. "How funny, Natsuki! You've made me blush. I always thought it was meant to be the other way around."
Natsuki crouched with the heel of one hand braced on the bed. Her gaze on Shizuru's was determined. Shizuru had seen her naked before, when she peeled her wet clothes away and slid her into dry silks, but that had been before, in the time of hiding and stealing. Now she stared. "Do you want me or not?" Natsuki asked.
"I have never wanted anyone the way I want you," Shizuru said. "But I'm afraid I don't deserve you. You are surely far too good for me to have more than glimpses and...a stolen kiss..."
Natsuki straightened up, baring her whole body to Shizuru. "Go ahead and stare, Shizuru," she said. "But I'm asking for more than that."
Shizuru sank into the bed, her legs spreading beneath the folds of the kimono, and looked down. "Why?"
"Because I want you too," Natsuki said. "I told you. I never let myself feel the way you felt about me. That was a mistake, and I'm not going to keep making it. I can't anymore."
Looking down didn't save Shizuru, because suddenly Natsuki's hands were there, pushing open the kimono. Only then did Natsuki hesitate. "Shizuru. Do you really want me to stop?"
Shizuru licked her lips. "Not ever," she said.
"So I won't," Natsuki said. She pulled the kimono wide open and caught Shizuru's breasts in her hands as they spilled out.
Shizuru looked up, wide-eyed. "Is it all right, then, if I tell you that I'm frightened?"
"I knew that," Natsuki said. "Because you're used to being in control. It isn't just about you this time, Shizuru."
"I'd like to think..." Shizuru swallowed. Natsuki hadn't let go of her breasts. "I'd like to think it's about you and me."
"Well, it is," Natsuki said. "But this time I'm in control. Got it?"
"If you must," Shizuru began, but she couldn't finish, because Natsuki bent down and shifted one breast from her hand into her mouth. "Natsuki!" This hadn't been in the broken mirror. Only Shizuru had performed the touches there. Shizuru wanted to tell her, frantically and irrational, that it wasn't proper for her to do these things, but she couldn't, because no words would come to her. Just heat, and the perfect sensation of Natsuki's tongue stroking her nipple.
Shizuru grasped for the back of Natsuki's head, buried her hand in that soft hair and started to press her in closer, wanting things she shouldn't, like the sensation of her breast filling up Natsuki's mouth. For a moment, Natsuki let her. Shizuru felt teeth sink gently into her skin, both heard and felt Natsuki moan with satisfaction at the back of her throat.
Then Natsuki pulled away, leaving Shizuru still wet from her grasp, and wet in other ways besides. "Not this time," she said. "This is the first time, and I'm going to be in charge for once." Before Shizuru could protest (automatically, pitifully, in ways so unbefitting the image that Natsuki so easily saw through now).
"You're not ready for me to be in charge," Shizuru murmured. "Is that the truth, Natsuki?"
"Maybe," Natsuki said. "But I'm tired of waiting. We both waited too long for this anyway." She grabbed the sash of Shizuru's kimono and pulled it open. Shizuru stifled a gasp. Then she couldn't stifle a cry: Natsuki had pressed her hand between Shizuru's legs.
Natsuki started back. "You're already all wet," she said.
"Oh," Shizuru said, "how silly of you to expect otherwise. It's you, Natsuki." She leaned forward, and before Natsuki could object, pressed her lips to hers.
Natsuki made a muffled little noise of surprise, but then she kissed back. After a moment, her tongue slid into Shizuru's mouth, and Shizuru shivered and started to fall back down onto the bed. Natsuki took the opportunity to pull the kimono the rest of the way off her.
Then Shizuru lay there, spreadeagled and staring up at Natsuki. "Then what now?"
Natsuki lowered her head and kissed the inside of Shizuru's thighs. Shizuru twisted against the bed and, before she could stop herself, closed her legs around Natsuki's head, holding her there. "My Natsuki," she breathed. "Finally, my Natsuki..."
Natsuki shook herself free and grinned. "You're wrong. It's, 'My Shizuru.' Right?"
"But we're both right," Shizuru murmured. She reached down and caught hold of Natsuki's thigh. "Natsuki, turn around. I believe we can do this together."
Shizuru smiled at the sudden incomprehension on Natsuki's face. Then she tugged again, and this time, Natsuki turned so that her legs sprawled on either side of Shizuru's head. Shizuru leaned up and kissed her.
"Hey!" Natsuki was indignant. "I see what you're doing!"
"I hope you feel it too," Shizuru said. She pulled Natsuki's thighs up higher around her face. "Isn't it fine this way, Natsuki? We can both...have a taste."
She was gratified to see, out of the corner of her eye, Natsuki blushing furiously. "All right," Natsuki said. "But I'll finish you first!" And she braced herself against the bed with both arms and lowered her head once more.
Shizuru intended to stay still and calm, but she couldn't. It was a completely lost cause. The sensation of the tip of Natsuki's tongue, cool compared to the rest of her, lapping away between Shizuru's legs was too much. She was eager, too. Shizuru shuddered and countered by burying her mouth in Natsuki's warm folds, seeking out the nub where they came together with her mouth. While Natsuki lapped and stroked with her tongue, Shizuru tugged Natsuki's clit gently into her mouth and sucked.
Natsuki jolted, then licked harder. Shizuru tried to stay calm, but the taste and scent and feel of Natsuki all around her was too much. Breathing became almost irrelevant; she just had to pull more and more of Natsuki into her mouth and lick and suck in just the right places, over and over. She wrapped her arms around Natsuki and stroked the small of her back even as she tugged with her mouth. She was only disappointed she couldn't use her mouth for quips that would make Natsuki blush.
Natsuki's hair fell over Shizuru's thighs, and somehow it was that little brush of sensation that threatened to send her over the edge. Natsuki paused, breathing hard, her breath warming Shizuru where she was already too hot to bear. "You're trembling," Natsuki said.
Shizuru made an inarticulate noise of agreement. She still had her mouth full of Natsuki, and she refused to pull away to answer or make excuses for the motions of her body. Instead she sucked harder.
Natsuki licked her again, long and slow, and Shizuru was smug; she could stay calm against that, surely she could--
--but then Natsuki was lapping away again, fast, unrelenting, with her head down between Shizuru's thighs and Shizuru couldn't stop thinking that there was nothing else she wanted in the world but this, and then she couldn't think at all. She could only shake under Natsuki's tongue as climax took hold of her, and then again because it was Natsuki. She came in waves small and large, all the while licking at Natsuki inside her own mouth.
This was the best world. The mirror was joined together. They were joined together.
Natsuki convulsed sharply, then pulled herself away. "Stop," she said raggedly. "I'm done."
Shizuru licked her lips, still tasting Natsuki there. "Forgive me," she said. "I'm not."
"Then you'll just have to wait for tomorrow!" Natsuki folded her arms across her chest, across her perfect breasts--which Shizuru realized now, too late, she hadn't had the opportunity to kiss.
Natsuki softened, as she always did, just as Shizuru always noticed. A new blush crept up her cheeks. "When you're in charge," she said.